rock me momma like the wind and the rain

i totally thought i would come up with ten thousand more words to say on the subject of all the haters trying to make a bad situation worse by nullifying all 18,000 marital unions. or at least something clever about how you don't want to go making ellen degeneres mad, she will dance on your grave in those sneakers of hers. i mean sure, i am a mere civilian but in this day and age you'd think a celebrity's feelings would matter just a little. what if she and her pretty pretty wife want to stay married, huh? what then? if oprah is america's coach, ellen is its mascot, and i ask you: what kind of sick fuck would destroy our mascot's happiness?

anyway as i say one assumes there will be further commentary but then one tries to get to seattle during the snowiest winter in its history, gets waylaid in oakland overnight, spends a week driving one's mother's prius around in six inches of slush, forces one's SFL (ellen, i'm waiting on you here - i mean look what pam anderson has done for PETA! put that celebrity to use!) to meet every reachable important person from one's personal history, hosts texan rollergirls who like to play in the snow, stuffs one's face with cheap mexican food and swedish shortbread cookies and bougie-grocery salad bar ($7.99 a pound?!), takes a day trip to spokane, and fills out no fewer than a dozen celebrity tabloid crossword puzzles. so perhaps one becomes full of other things besides vitriol.